I can’t actually believe my husband has now been away pretty much five months, that is a really bloody long time and so much has happened in that time. Good, bad, and everything between….I have had no choice but to swim, keep my head above water and get through this deployment as best I can.
It’s been 10 weeks since he went back after RnR leave, that in itself is a big chunk of time and now this has become my normal.
Like a break up I guess time does make it easier, time does mean you heal, the pain goes and time does mean that you forget what life felt like with them in it. That makes me sad because my husband is my comfort blanket, my partner in crime and the person who knows me the most but the reality is he’s not been in my life for a really long period of time.
I reach this point every deployment, it is part of the cycle and ultimately it is temporary.
This point of deployment isn’t easy for my husband, I’m honest and tell him how I feel but he struggles with that and hates it. I love him dearly and that never changes but I don’t miss him any more, I have less of a need to speak to him, me and our daughter have a new normal.
We are still counting down the days in earnest, soooo many more crosses now on the chuff charts! I still have days which are tough and I resent the fact I have to deal with everything on my own but the difference is now I can get through those bad days, I can dust myself off and start again where as at the beginning that’s so hard to do, almost feels impossible.
Don’t get me wrong very soon the countdown really will be on to the end of this deployment and I am so looking forward to not being on my own all the time, sharing my life with someone again, reconnecting with my husband and our new chapter as we move very soon after he returns (just 10 days!!!! OMG I have so much to do!)
If you are reading this and your deployment has just started, I know that pain so well but time is a great healer and you too will reach this point where you don’t cry, you don’t wake up with a hurting heart and the days are just fine…I promise.
In case you were wondering I have not become completely emotionally sterile because I was part of a family reunion filming this weekend for a Little Troopers Father’s Day campaign we are doing and I cried my eyes out watching this family so happy to be reunited after a deployment.
I can’t wait to have that first hug from my husband, I literally can’t but right now this normal is making it easier to get through the days we have left.
Lots of love, Louise xxx