Louise's Blog


A bittersweet homecoming

I don’t really know where to start with this post, it seems so much has happened in a short space of time, it’s taken me a while to process it all and to reach the point where I could share.

My husband ended up only being away for two months in the end, I think what it does prove is no matter how long the separation period you go on the same journey, we feel the same things be it two months or nine months. Be kind to yourself.

I found out while my husband was away that he is now being deployed for seven months in early January, this will mean nearly 10 months out of 12 he will have been away from home. We weren’t expecting this deployment and finding out by text and not being about to chat through everything together was tough.

I felt really numb
He was away, he’d come home, we’d get back to normal for a couple of months then he’ll be off again. I also know myself and I REALLY wanted to deal with it well so that there isn’t a black cloud over Christmas. It is happening and I want to be a supportive wife so I’m trying very very hard to be positive and know that I will be OK with the help of lots of special people who are in my life.
Enough about the pending deployment…….my husband came home last week and it has taken a full five days for us to settle back into being in each others company. 
How about you? Does resettling back into things take a while for you?
I don’t know if I have always been emotionally complex or if 18 years of military life has made me emotionally complex…but the fact remains I am.
Excitement isn’t something I feel, relief is always there but not excitement. He came in at about 4am and got into bed, it was dark and I couldn’t see him but I was glad to know he was home, it was strange to have someone breathing next to me, how can even breathing annoy you?! The next morning he surprised our daughter and went and woke her up and she was beside herself, so so happy she wore a huge smile all day.
Then reality kicks in, the kit that is left everywhere, the tidy house which suddenly isn’t tidy any more, the over flowing washing basket, the empty milk carton….the list is endless and for a couple of days we bicker and I snap. He does really try and blend back in and make it as smooth as possible but I think when they are away we force ourselves to be strong and independent so we  can survive so when they come back it is hard to readjust, just as it was hard when he first went.
The pile that lets you know they are most definitely home!

The harder I push him away the more I need him to pull me closer
 A marriage in the military really is often all or nothing…you go from not hearing from them in nine days to suddenly they are home and on leave at home by your side 24/7 and for any human no matter how adaptable you are, no matter how flexible you think you are emotionally it is hard to switch between the two and no matter how much practice you have I find it doesn’t get easier.
So we are five days on from him returning and I feel like its been a really tough 10 days or so of restless nights sleep, emotions running high and over thinking but we are getting there. We feel comfortable again and as a unit we are readjusting and getting used to being 2+1 again.
Some very specials friends and family have been right by my side these last couple of months and I also know they will be there come the New Year once we are saying our goodbyes again. The thought fills me with dread but I am determined to have a really nice couple of months before that is upon us.
For now though……my lobster is home. Louise xxx

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About Louise

Louise herself served in the British Army and saw active service in Kosovo. Her husband is a serving soldier who has undertaken six operational tours of duty since their daughter was born in 2003. Louise is passionate about helping all the Little Troopers at home through the anxiety of deployment and also the stress of a long course or exercise having experienced first hand the impact it can have.

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