Louise's Blog


Uncertainty can be crippling

Over 5 weeks done, the whole month of February and I can now say….


OK OK it is only for RnR and the other side we have a huge amount of time to get through but right now that RnR date is getting me through. I have reached the point of this deployment where ‘this is normal’ but like I was talking with a friend earlier today, it never leaves my mind that he is away. It really interests me that there is no research or information of the impact on a spouse who has married (or partnered) into the military, I can feel that I’m not 100%, every day is like wading through treacle and its survival through each day which I find exhausting.

Gaining perspective for you I’m definitely not sobbing my way through each day, I’m laughing, I’m doing things, I’m working and time is ticking away but there is an undercurrent, a weight on my shoulders, a constant reminder that I am just doing my best to get through each day.

Since my husband deployed there has been lots of unexpected change come upon us that will cause lots of disruption for us as a family at a critical time, deployment I could deal with, these changes I could deal with if my husband was at home but together with limited and awful communications its been really tough and challenging resulting in me running over in my head all the possible options at 5am!

What will be will be, I know that and I have no doubt it will all come good over the next few months as a plan takes shape but the uncertainty can be crippling, the lack of feeling in control really gets me down and making decisions for all of us on my own makes me question everything ten times over. I know these things are sent to try us and tough times don’t last tough people do but when you are in that fog it really is a day at time to wade through it.

As I have written before every day is a fresh start and a chance to try again

Something I have been asked a lot over on my Instagram is what I have been sending my husband in parcels, don’t forget for some BFPOs you can send 2kg for free as part of enduring families mail, the list of free BFPOs is often updated and you can find it HERE. You can send as many as you like but there are size restrictions and also you can’t send; alcohol, aftershave/perfume, aerosols, glass, the full list is HERE.

I have had a giggle over on my Instagram because many go to so much effort for the care packages they send, decorating and making them beautiful but my reality has been slightly different!!! Cat food boxes seem to be the right size and he has got some random bits shoved in!

Over the period of a couple of weeks I will pick bits and pieces up and keep to one side, fill up the cat food box and then weigh on the kitchen scales to make sure its under 2kgs (they will make you unpack at post office if over) remember; number, rank and name and BFPO number, customs sticker too and if you are sending lots grab a handful from post office and then do this at home too.

What to send?

  • In one box I sent a mug from home in bubble wrap obviously, some sweeter and some coffee bags. We all crave a decent brew in our fave mug
  • Toiletries – they is usually somewhere to grab bits when away but often not the ones you would choose and where my husband is he’s drying out to resemble a bit of old leather so I have been sending out lots of moisturisers, face cream, his fave shower gel, razor blades.
  • Healthy snacks – often the food is bulk cook military style and my husband is in a base where the Americans are doing the food so its heavy, he was craving some healthy snacks so grabbed what I could find, nuts, protein bars etc
  • If there is a birthday, special event try a themed box? Let’s not go crazy but I did chuck in some love heart sweets and some socks for his valentines box!!!

As time goes on I will let you know what else I find to fill those cat food boxes up with!

Love Louise xxx

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About Louise

Louise herself served in the British Army and saw active service in Kosovo. Her husband is a serving soldier who has undertaken six operational tours of duty since their daughter was born in 2003. Louise is passionate about helping all the Little Troopers at home through the anxiety of deployment and also the stress of a long course or exercise having experienced first hand the impact it can have.

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