I can’t lie it has been a really up and down week, it really has felt like my husband has been away for 2 months but the reality is only just over 2 weeks….HOW?!
Last week I felt like I was on a hamster wheel of routine, this is good in some ways but also by the time Friday came I started a downward spiral into a slightly dark place place of “Oh my god I really can’t do this, 6 months is so long and I’ve barely managed 2 weeks” It felt like 2 week slap in the face.
I felt like I hadn’t spoken to another adult for 5 days
Routine is important, being busy is important but when that engulfs you, you need to break the cycle, change the habit even if for just 24 hours. I got to the point where tears just kept creeping up on me, I was sad, felt empty and couldn’t see any positive…I needed to put in an SOS.
This is where your life long friends come in, the ones you can call and say “I really need you” and they are there.
An hour or so drive up the motorway gave me some clarity and then I was smothered in love, TLC and the reminder that it really is ok not to be ok. We all have wobbles, deployment isn’t meant to be easy, we aren’t meant to cope 24/7 and we can definitely admit that it’s tough. A few days of a change of scenery in my happy place, lots of adult conversation, good food and drink and I felt fixed, ready to fight another day.
A new week lies ahead, every day done is an achievement.
This week we have had confirmation on RnR dates, I’m sure you all know but Rest and Recuperation leave is two weeks where your service person comes home, works out about 12 days at home with travelling time. I’m excited to have a milestone to head for to break the long period of time up. RnR does have its own complications emotionally but its a point in time I am now heading for.
A big positive was on Saturday I had a whats app video call! It’s such bad signal, my husband is blurry and pixilated and we can’t hold a conversation because the signal keeps dropping BUT I SAW MY HUSBANDS FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was in B&M with my friend and we were all screaming in the aisle and people must have thought whaaaat but right then in that moment you don’t care. My heart felt full.
This week I also sent a parcel to my husband, I was looking at all these amazing care packages that american military wives were sending out to their husbands, the time and effort was amazing, the thought and decoration…..then all I could find was an old cat food box shoved full of some very basic essentials that I thought he would need….the WORST care package I could have sent!
I am doing daily deployment dairies over on my Instagram talking about the emotions of separation and there is such a lovely community over there, sharing really is caring. Thank you to everyone over on Instagram for all the love and strength you’ve sent me over this last few days, means so much and reminds me we really are stronger together.
Lots of love Louise xxx
2 Responses
Thanks for this – we are five months in and I’ve just had my 4
Year old in my bed crying for Daddy because she misses him – for some reason I’m really struggling too at the moment, have had enough now and I just want him home. Had friends to stay at the weekend who had the audacity to say that my life is easy because we have job security, a pension, good salary and a roof over our heads. Apparently it’s much harder in the civilian world. I have never been so proud of my ability to hold my tongue as I was then but it also made me realise we don’t do enough to shine a light on the realities of military life. It’s a wonderful privilege to be part of this community but we need to be more transparent and open about the realities of our lives to dispel some of these myths. So thank you for this blog and for doing that.
This comment just so right, there really is a lack of empathy and understanding from people outside the military community which even if in some tiny way one person reads this and gets a better understanding its worth it. It isn’t easy, hope you’ve had a better week this week, sending lots of love xxx