It’s been a month now since I last wrote, in some ways not much has changed. The country is still in lockdown and we have just moved into week seven of staying at home, homeschooling, social distancing and our new normal.
Personally it’s good days and bad days; my husband lost his dad suddenly a few weeks ago and grief in lockdown coupled with the government guidelines has been tricky to navigate as a family. Although not deployed my husband has continued to go into work daily as the military still has pre-deployment training and the like to be conducting. Him coming and going daily to camp at the moment comes with anxiety of will he be bringing germs into our bubble at home.
Every day is a little groundhog day, a little samey and now the sun has gone into hiding for a while it is taking more effort to be positive and seize the most out of each day but….I am still loving growing my seeds in the garden, I’m still enjoying my cups of tea, face timing my family and friends is making me smile and working on new projects for Little Troopers that I otherwise wouldn’t have had the time to really focus on is a positive.
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The people though that have increasingly crept into my thoughts, the people I have been chatting to on Instagram, the people who I want to highlight today are those going through all the above but also dealing with deployment.
Lots of military families have reached out recently and shared with me their feelings right now at week seven of lockdown and it’s tough, REALLY tough.
Energy levels are depleted, the strength has gone, emotions are running high.
The military couple with no children, newly posted a long way from family, deployment hits hard….
“Going through deployment during lockdown throws unique challenges; for me living completely on my own and not seeing anyone for days. Like many whose partners are currently away, I don’t know when I will see my husband again. One thing I do sometimes find difficult is seeing others spending time with their immediate family and partners during this lockdown time. I cant help but feel envious, wishing so very much it was me”
Lots of spouses are having really mixed emotions, it is a roller-coaster and its separation supercharged….
“I feel cheated, where so many others are saying how lovely it is to spend time as a family and with their husbands home they are getting loads done round the house and creating fab memories. My husband isn’t at home, he’s working. Its just me and our boys”
There are many frazzled spouses reaching out juggling home schooling and cleaning and fitting in an essential food shop, some are trying to work from home too. Not enough hours in the day….then I am seeing a real wave of loneliness for some which means time can really go so slow….
“It is shit, my husband has just left for six months. We don’t have kids. The house is silent. I am lucky if I get a conversation a day otherwise I potter about the near silent house with just the radio or dog for company”
Ultimately I just hope that some sharing of others in a similar situation helps, it reiterates that no one is alone, there is someone else out there also going through what you are, that may bring a teeny bit of comfort.
Uncertainty is something as military families we are used to. Even for my family we were due posting this summer, our daughter is in middle of A levels…..I know posting orders are on hold and when they do get turned back on there will be a bottle neck, so who knows if or when we will get a positing order!
So many of you are also in limbo, waiting for postings, waiting for a deployment start date, waiting for a loved one to return home…completely unsure what the next few weeks, months will hold. It is unsettling at best.
I have found the Instagram military community a good one to dip into for reassurance and connection, I have checked in on friends who I know are experiencing deployment right now and I have written lots of lists to bring some meaning to my days.
This darkness will lift, one day soon.
So much love to you right now,
Louise xxxxx
