Hellloooooooo it’s been a while I know but I want to start the year as I mean to go on! A blog a month at least is what I want to achieve, I find writing these posts really therapeutic and on this military roller coaster with a pandemic thrown in that’s something I could do with right now!
As I stare down at 2021 I know it is going to mean change for our family and I need to approach this with….fluidity. I’m not always so great at that bit.
Our daughter turns 18 in June…..which seems crazy, just yesterday I was pushing her out in a German hospital and now she’s flying the nest.
University beckons for her which makes me burst with pride. Ever since she was about seven years old she has wanted to be a nurse and she’s always stuck by that so nursing it is. GCSEs in hospital (if you missed this chapter the post of why is here) and cancelled A Levels due to a pandemic, I’m in awe of her drive to overcome everything and reach her goal of being a nurse.
I have so many feelings, thoughts and emotions attached to her leaving home;
- I’m super proud of her firstly and the fact we actually got her to this point – quite the achievement!
- I’m going to miss her incredibly
- Oh god, when my husband goes away I’m now ALLLLL on my own
- She has been on this military ride her whole life and worked through everything it has thrown at her
- It makes me feel really old even though I know I’m not
- It wasn’t completely our choice to just have Madison so having an empty nest hurts my heart a little bit.
2021 will be a year of adjustment.
In our military journey there is also lots of change and uncertainty facing us in the year ahead, I have so many unanswered questions in my head which actually no one has the answers to right now. My husband is at the stage where his 22 years is coming to an end and that provides options – getting out or staying in being the major question.
That is such a huge thought.
We both joined as teenagers, we got married and had a baby very young, we’ve been on this journey 20 years together. It defines us. It has been our adulthood. What are we without it.
The reality is my husband has green blood so his choice would be to remain in the British Army but that isn’t a certainty and brings more options and pathways. Some that aren’t guaranteed and need time and effort to achieve.
The next 18 months are as clear as mud for us, me, my future.
That is the running theme though isn’t it? Change, uncertainty, no known plan. I don’t know why I’m not much better at it by now! Thing is it doesn’t get easier…..it changes, the challenges and hurdles change.
While my little trooper leaves home for pastures new, taking with her all the amazing qualities she learnt from being a military child, I am determined to shout louder for all your little troopers. I haven’t been able to effect change quick enough to impact her or her schooling unfortunately but after 10 years of talking we are getting there and change is being made which makes my heart warm.
I want to be brave this year and I want to be strong. It’s been a tricky couple of years for my little family and I pray the path is an easier one as we adjust into our next chapter. You’ll be coming along for the ride!
Lots of love as always,
Louise xxxxx
